NyLon! – chapter 16

- Nobody sleep! – barged in returning from Hamburg the Radical party’s Pavarotti – all’alba vinceròòò, viiiiinceròòòòòòò!

From the rivers Elba to the Tiber passing by the Hudson and the Thames, I plague to you with the first meeting of the radical committee to which I can participate, thanks to Andrea’s sacrifice. I have whispered in the Crapazzoni’s ear the right answer to the fifth question of the Testosoni, the second best guarded secret in Torre argentina. The first, most guarded secret was to be revealed by Crapazzoni himself, but not before the animosity calmed down.

Scaruffi to Casiraghi - corrupted dodger!

Farina to Michelotti – Presuntuos idiot!

Scaruffi to De Marchi - Demagogue!

Sagaria to De Marchi – ethilic demagogue!

Candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel to Vecellio - Ingenerous!

Vecellio to candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel - worm-eaten head!

Sagaria to Farina – Lunatic, you do not understand a dick!

Farina to Turko - You possess the intellectiv ability of a sloth!

Sagaria to Turko – Greve repressed mammone, wanker from the oratory!

Turko to Carraro - Stressed ignorant!

Carraro to Angeli - Imbecile!

Bilotti to Angeli - you are not nothing and you dontt know to reason about anything!

Colacione to Angeli - you do yourself mental wanks!

Tosoni to Senatore - Exemplary of Sub-species of Homo Sapiens Sapiens in his ontic egodyscrasia…

Senatore to Paolemili - You suck, jinxed!

Riva to Bilotti - cooked prosciutto!

Breccia to De Marchi - Slanderer!

Pezzilli to De Marchi - Worm, two times worm!

Pezzilli to Fischetti - Son of a bitch!

Farina to Argonauta - You suck and make myself feel sad!

Farina to Pardi - cicisbeoun allet!

Candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel to Vecellio - Recommended!

Vecellio to candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel - Cretin and fool!

Licheri to Spena - Youthshit!

Spena to Licheri - Dumb!

Dentamaro to Abenate - Retrologist!

Abenate to Gasparini – Frustrated imbecile!

Gasparini to Abenate - Testicle!

Abenate to Pacor - Terrorist!

Scaruffi to Crapazzoni – Sculettino, that is somebody swaying one’s hips!

Crapazzoni to all – Stop that now! Order! Hush! Discipline! Good morning and good job to all, take a seat and enough with the obsolete roman salutes roman, please. Bad news. We have found out that Berlusconi controls five televisions out of seven

- Really? Unheard of before! And who knew that?

In unison the voices of the committee raised in chorus by the incredule and dumbfound concubines who circoncided the presidency table in his secretariat. Unusually swearing for the hardness of the arduous and unjust task entrusted to him by History, continuing phrenetically through his bad news notes.

- We have also uncovered that Fini is fascist, Bossi is about to die and, in topic, with the excuse of scientific search Mr Sirchia shags the corpse of the Pope

- Oh my God! Who would have ever thought of that?!?

In unison the voices of the committee raised in chorus by the incredule and dumbfound concubines. Crapazzoni did not let transport himself by the easy astonishment that could have lead to dangerous democraticisms, and icily continued in its lucid analysis

- Our Country has become a bandana republic. Look at the Turka, for example

He said pointing at me, to which I replied:

- I am Granzotto, not the Turka, cazzo!

- Ok, I’m confused to me, it won’t be neither the first nor the last time. But never ever allow yourself to call me cazzo again

Among the the circonciding concubines mounted the restlessness: would have been of them Crapazzoni had been driven mad and scrapozzated to the left? Under the table turning the inches on the respective pussies, Orietta, Silvietta and Abigail were calm. Everything was going as foreseen. Hotel as well was very calm with his head in the clouds thinking to his next matrimonial-esperantophone life with Sara. Obviously I was calm too. All of us were calm. From such tranquillity, Crapazzoni expressed its restlessness in a boninian accent

- I am myzelf Crapassoni azzerting, with my great aztonizment and dizconzert, that for thiz week radicalz return to the left where we naturally belong, and you are not zurprized?

- Why do you suddenly speak with the Boninian zeta?

Mi permizi, I allowed myself, to intervene

Crapazzoni replied - I say that myzelf and this week it has to be done like that!

Granzotto – It took ten years to the Pannellone to understand that Berlusconi was fucking him around

Crapazzoni - There is worse. Here the bad news come. He will take twenty more years of Sunday homelies before admitting it

Bandinelli slyly intervened taking advantage of a Crapazzoni’s sentence without zeta

- Oi Crapazzò, how do you express yourself? A little respect for the leader!

Crapazzoni – Ezcuze me I let myself tranzport – glossed winking to me his sly little eye – trazport to London… Angiolo, please, go on

Bandinelli - I will be short - debuts the University professor - the announced change of political strategy in Italy will necessarily have to be reflected on the transnational level in ending with supporting the fucking new-conmen in order to align us with Soros, whom at least lends money…

Crapazzoni - Thankz of your contribution, Angiolo, short but preciouz as alwayz

Bandinelli… I haven’t finished yet, you little chicken, but be sure that I will be short. Therefore, I said, in talking about of money it is appropriate to draw the attention of us all on the company of oil constructions Halliburton of vice-president Cheney…

Crapazzoni - God has him in glory

Bandinelli -… Hush when I speak! - the eminent teacher got lightly angry planting on the chair of the radical secretariat a worthy slap that made it shake - I said, concerning Cheney’s Halliburton, that it is accused of having sugarly paid “commissions” piling at least 180 million dollars in order to win enormous contracts in Nigeria from 1996 up to now, in cahoots with French Technip…

Crapazzoni - Here! Az I supported the guilt iz on the Frogz! Angiolo, thankz for your worthy…

Bandinelli -… Shut up, newbie! - the August educator got angry in landing a powerful slap that made shake the worn-out concubines of the radical secretary - and stop it with the zetas, It will never ber a zeta to make you a Bonino. I said, concerning France, that the Parisian judge Renaud van Ruymbeke is about to interview for a second time Londoner lawyer Jeffrey Tesler whose Tristar company has been paid 176 million dollars in advance by Halliburton and its partners since 1995 in in order to smooth the transaction, or at least that’s what tells me my British correspondent…

Crapazzoni - Here! I knew that it was Gransotto’z guilt! Angiolo thankz for your mighty…

Bandinelli -… You shut up and keep silent, newbie! - the popular divulgator turned nasty in bombing a seismic slap that from his chair spread in a telluric movement towards the worn-out concubines who gratefully, unexpectedly and intimately enjoyed an orgasm filling them up as in a farting explosion of fireworks

- I must finish with Cheney before beginning with Perle…

Crapazzoni – Will you be zhort?

Bandinelli -… Hush, shut up and keep silent, newbie! - Vehemently vibrating a nuclear slap thundered one of the last historical radicals independent enough to allow himself to express what he truly thought - Therefore this cracking criminals that occupied Washington with the electoral fraud…

Crapazzoni - Eh no, ths ztory of the electoral fraud, as much as it is a true one, is not azzettable by thiz zpin-buzhian and anti-American prezidenzy

Bandinelli -… Shut your face, for decency! – violently pulling down a hairy big hand the unfortunate bench of the presidency and thus making to jolt all the bystanders, the illustrious man of letters reiteted- This is nothing less of five more episodes - Author and Publisher allowing - about the obscenity perpetrated by Dick Cheney. Then it will follow the other dick of Richard Pirla, for whom I reserve as many chapters, and to follow…

Crapazzoni - Angiolo, be realizic, if thiz zhit of radical novel limpz to the pace of a puntata per week, continuing like that for that age you’ll no longer be with uz…

Bandinelli -… Heavy words, fuck you and the cholera may take you for the arrogant presumption to survive me. Fuck off to Pannella as well, whom you unfortunately will survive. Undeservedly, you registered bushist of the blessed cock, just to insult you elegantly. And ztop to zpeak with Boninian zeta, you’re are not in the pozition.

The good and short Bandinelli was very far from ending his pro-American and logically anti-bushist prosecutor’s speech, then I got bored and returned to London via Bergamo. Bored above all by the characters’ complaints, like Raffa’s, that they had not been mentioned in this chapter. Orietta wanted Mauro Suttora to be played by Antonio Banderas, who Mauro considered a country bumpkin; Abigail couldn’t bear that in order to reduce the production costs I had moved her to Scotland, having her played by Daniela Nardini instead of Iréne Jacob; Maria Cristina protested against my Publisher; Andra Turko protested because he had not yet shagged Naomi Campbell, who in turn protested for the small tits and the bent legs. Crapazzoni, instead, was very happy to be interpreted by Marco Cappato. But it was Cappato himself that all this didn’t appeal at all.

Cappato – I am Marco Cappato

Granzotto - And who cares?

Cappato - I am Marco Cappato, I demand a more important role than Crapazzoni

Granzotto - I do have understood that you are Marco Cappato, but now just be pleased to play Crapazzoni because this mad bullshit is written by me and I already had enough of other characters’ claimings

Cappato - I am Marco Cappato

Granzotto - Again? Look, give me a break, here is Naomi Campbell

Cappato - I am Marco Cappato, Naomi Campbell has got small tits and bendy legs

Granzotto - Aarrrgggghhhhh! I am Bob Granzotto and if you don’t stop to break off my testicles I’ll write the next novel on the Catholic Action with Marangoni, Senatore and Naomi Campbell as protagonists

All - Nooo, mercy, it would be a deadly bore!

Cappato - I am Marco Cappato…

While I escaped from that cage of lunatics, the candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel travelled with me on the Svirgin gigabus and confided to me:

- We are at the end of the sixth chapter and I finally re-enter the scene as the candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel! As soon as I get to my mountain shelter in order to rest, suddenly Crapazzoni in person will call me on 0323,885113 (but please don’t publish it because someone could find it in the telephone directory)

Crapazzoni - John, we need you

Patel - Bleah, politics. How many million you want this time to put an end to the Mozart requiem on Radio radicale?

Crapazzoni - No, John, it’s not about money

Patel - Penecazzo, you don’t feel well?

Crapazzoni – As a matter of facts the situation is serious, Pannella is away and we are here in the darkness

Patel - I understand, you lack the leader’s enlightment pointing at the end of the tunnel

Crapazzoni - Erm, somehow this is true, but not exactly. You see, we know that you are an expert in some of the sophisticated electric household equipment that made your fortune…

Patel - Ah Crapazzò, cut it short, make light on what you want from me

Crapazzoni - Here, ahehm…

Patel – Will you finally explain yourself clearly?

Crapazzoni - Would you please jump down here to change a light bulb for us?