- Nobody sleep! – barged in returning from
Hamburg the Radical party’s Pavarotti – all’alba vinceròòò,
viiiiinceròòòòòòò!
From the rivers Elba to the Tiber passing by
the Hudson and the Thames, I plague to you with the first meeting of
the radical committee to which I can participate, thanks to Andrea’s
sacrifice. I have whispered in the Crapazzoni’s ear the right
answer to the fifth question of the Testosoni, the second best
guarded secret in Torre argentina. The first, most guarded secret was
to be revealed by Crapazzoni himself, but not before the animosity
calmed down.
Scaruffi to Casiraghi - corrupted dodger!
Farina to Michelotti – Presuntuos idiot!
Scaruffi to De Marchi - Demagogue!
Sagaria to De Marchi – ethilic demagogue!
Candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel to
Vecellio - Ingenerous!
Vecellio to candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John
Patel - worm-eaten head!
Sagaria to Farina – Lunatic, you do not
understand a dick!
Farina to Turko - You possess the intellectiv
ability of a sloth!
Sagaria to Turko – Greve repressed mammone,
wanker from the oratory!
Turko to Carraro - Stressed ignorant!
Carraro to Angeli - Imbecile!
Bilotti to Angeli - you are not nothing and you
dontt know to reason about anything!
Colacione to Angeli - you do yourself mental
wanks!
Tosoni to Senatore - Exemplary of Sub-species
of Homo Sapiens Sapiens in his ontic egodyscrasia…
Senatore to Paolemili - You suck, jinxed!
Riva to Bilotti - cooked prosciutto!
Breccia to De Marchi - Slanderer!
Pezzilli to De Marchi - Worm, two times worm!
Pezzilli to Fischetti - Son of a bitch!
Farina to Argonauta - You suck and make myself
feel sad!
Farina to Pardi - cicisbeoun allet!
Candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel to
Vecellio - Recommended!
Vecellio to candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John
Patel - Cretin and fool!
Licheri to Spena - Youthshit!
Spena to Licheri - Dumb!
Dentamaro to Abenate - Retrologist!
Abenate to Gasparini – Frustrated imbecile!
Gasparini to Abenate - Testicle!
Abenate to Pacor - Terrorist!
Scaruffi to Crapazzoni – Sculettino, that is
somebody swaying one’s
hips!
Crapazzoni to all – Stop that now! Order!
Hush! Discipline! Good morning and good job to all, take a seat and
enough with the obsolete roman salutes roman, please. Bad news. We
have found out that Berlusconi controls five televisions out of seven
- Really? Unheard of before! And who knew that?
In unison the voices of the committee raised in
chorus by the incredule and dumbfound concubines who circoncided the
presidency table in his secretariat. Unusually swearing for the
hardness of the arduous and unjust task entrusted to him by History,
continuing phrenetically through his bad news notes.
- We have also uncovered that Fini is fascist,
Bossi is about to die and, in topic, with the excuse of scientific
search Mr Sirchia shags the corpse of the Pope
- Oh my God! Who would have ever thought of
that?!?
In unison the voices of the committee raised in
chorus by the incredule and dumbfound concubines. Crapazzoni did not
let transport himself by the easy astonishment that could have lead
to dangerous democraticisms, and icily continued in its lucid
analysis
- Our Country has become a bandana republic.
Look at the Turka, for example
He said pointing at me, to which I replied:
- I am Granzotto, not the Turka, cazzo!
- Ok, I’m confused to me, it won’t be
neither the first nor the last time. But never ever allow yourself to
call me cazzo again
Among the the circonciding concubines mounted
the restlessness: would have been of them Crapazzoni had been driven
mad and scrapozzated to the left? Under the table turning the inches
on the respective pussies, Orietta, Silvietta and Abigail were calm.
Everything was going as foreseen. Hotel as well was very calm with
his head in the clouds thinking to his next
matrimonial-esperantophone life with Sara. Obviously I was calm too.
All of us were calm. From such tranquillity, Crapazzoni expressed its
restlessness in a boninian accent
- I am myzelf Crapassoni azzerting, with my
great aztonizment and dizconzert, that for thiz week radicalz return
to the left where we naturally belong, and you are not zurprized?
- Why do you suddenly speak with the Boninian
zeta?
Mi permizi, I allowed myself, to intervene
Crapazzoni replied - I say that myzelf and this
week it has to be done like that!
Granzotto – It took ten years to the
Pannellone to understand that Berlusconi was fucking him around
Crapazzoni - There is worse. Here the bad news
come. He will take twenty more years of Sunday homelies before
admitting it
Bandinelli slyly intervened taking advantage of
a Crapazzoni’s sentence without zeta
- Oi Crapazzò, how do you express yourself? A
little respect for the leader!
Crapazzoni – Ezcuze me I let myself tranzport
– glossed winking to me his sly little eye – trazport to London…
Angiolo, please, go on
Bandinelli - I will be short - debuts the
University professor - the announced change of political strategy in
Italy will necessarily have to be reflected on the transnational
level in ending with supporting the fucking new-conmen in order to
align us with Soros, whom at least lends money…
Crapazzoni - Thankz of your contribution,
Angiolo, short but preciouz as alwayz
Bandinelli… I haven’t finished yet, you
little chicken, but be sure that I will be short. Therefore, I said,
in talking about of money it is appropriate to draw the attention of
us all on the company of oil constructions Halliburton of
vice-president Cheney…
Crapazzoni - God has him in glory
Bandinelli -… Hush when I speak! - the
eminent teacher got lightly angry planting on the chair of the
radical secretariat a worthy slap that made it shake - I said,
concerning Cheney’s Halliburton, that it is accused of having
sugarly paid “commissions” piling at least 180 million dollars in
order to win enormous contracts in Nigeria from 1996 up to now, in
cahoots with French Technip…
Crapazzoni - Here! Az I supported the guilt iz
on the Frogz! Angiolo, thankz for your worthy…
Bandinelli -… Shut up, newbie!
- the August educator got angry in landing a powerful slap that made
shake the worn-out concubines of the radical secretary - and stop it
with the zetas, It will never ber a zeta to make you a Bonino. I
said, concerning France, that the Parisian judge Renaud van Ruymbeke
is about to interview for a second time Londoner lawyer Jeffrey
Tesler whose Tristar company has been paid 176 million dollars in
advance by Halliburton and its partners since 1995 in in order to
smooth the transaction, or at least that’s what tells me my British
correspondent…
Crapazzoni - Here! I knew that it was
Gransotto’z guilt! Angiolo thankz for your mighty…
Bandinelli -… You shut up and keep silent,
newbie! - the popular
divulgator turned nasty in bombing a
seismic slap that from his chair spread in a telluric movement
towards the worn-out concubines who gratefully, unexpectedly and
intimately enjoyed an orgasm filling them up as in a farting
explosion of fireworks
- I must finish with Cheney before beginning
with Perle…
Crapazzoni – Will you be zhort?
Bandinelli -… Hush, shut up and keep silent,
newbie! - Vehemently vibrating a nuclear
slap thundered one of the last historical radicals independent enough
to allow himself to express what he truly thought - Therefore this
cracking criminals that occupied Washington with the electoral fraud…
Crapazzoni - Eh no, ths ztory of the electoral
fraud, as much as it is a true one, is not azzettable by thiz
zpin-buzhian and anti-American prezidenzy
Bandinelli -… Shut your face, for decency! –
violently pulling down a hairy big hand the unfortunate bench of the
presidency and thus making to jolt all the bystanders, the
illustrious man of letters reiteted- This is nothing less of five
more episodes - Author and Publisher allowing - about the obscenity
perpetrated by Dick Cheney. Then it will follow the other dick of
Richard Pirla, for whom I reserve as many chapters, and to follow…
Crapazzoni - Angiolo, be realizic, if thiz zhit
of radical novel limpz to the pace of a puntata per week, continuing
like that for that age you’ll no longer be with uz…
Bandinelli -… Heavy words, fuck you and the
cholera may take you for the arrogant presumption to survive me. Fuck
off to Pannella as well, whom you unfortunately will survive.
Undeservedly, you registered bushist of the blessed cock, just to
insult you elegantly. And ztop to zpeak with Boninian zeta, you’re
are not in the pozition.
The good and short Bandinelli was very far from
ending his pro-American and logically anti-bushist prosecutor’s
speech, then I got bored and returned to London via Bergamo. Bored
above all by the characters’ complaints, like Raffa’s, that they
had not been mentioned in this chapter. Orietta wanted Mauro Suttora
to be played by Antonio Banderas, who Mauro considered a country
bumpkin; Abigail couldn’t bear that in order to reduce the
production costs I had moved her to Scotland, having her played by
Daniela Nardini instead of Iréne Jacob; Maria Cristina protested
against my Publisher; Andra Turko protested because he had not yet
shagged Naomi Campbell, who in turn protested for the small tits and
the bent legs. Crapazzoni, instead, was very happy to be interpreted
by Marco Cappato. But it was Cappato himself that all this didn’t
appeal at all.
Cappato – I am Marco Cappato
Granzotto - And who cares?
Cappato - I am Marco Cappato, I demand a more
important role than Crapazzoni
Granzotto - I do have understood that you are
Marco Cappato, but now just be pleased to play Crapazzoni because
this mad bullshit is written by me and I already had enough of other
characters’ claimings
Cappato - I am Marco Cappato
Granzotto - Again? Look,
give me a break, here is Naomi Campbell
Cappato - I am Marco Cappato, Naomi Campbell
has got small tits and bendy legs
Granzotto - Aarrrgggghhhhh! I am Bob Granzotto
and if you don’t stop to break off my testicles I’ll write the
next novel on the Catholic Action with Marangoni, Senatore and Naomi
Campbell as protagonists
All - Nooo, mercy, it would be a deadly bore!
Cappato - I am Marco Cappato…
While I escaped from that cage of lunatics, the
candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John Patel travelled with me on the
Svirgin gigabus and confided to me:
- We are at the end of the sixth chapter and I
finally re-enter the scene as the candid Hindu-orobic tycoon John
Patel! As soon as I get to my mountain shelter in order to rest,
suddenly Crapazzoni in person will call me on 0323,885113 (but please
don’t publish it because someone could find it in the telephone
directory)
Crapazzoni - John, we need you
Patel - Bleah, politics. How many million you
want this time to put an end to the Mozart requiem on Radio radicale?
Crapazzoni - No, John, it’s not about money
Patel - Penecazzo, you don’t feel well?
Crapazzoni – As a matter of facts the
situation is serious, Pannella is away and we are here in the
darkness
Patel - I understand, you lack the leader’s
enlightment pointing at the end of the tunnel
Crapazzoni - Erm, somehow this is true, but not
exactly. You see, we know that you are an expert in some of the
sophisticated electric household equipment that made your fortune…
Patel - Ah Crapazzò, cut it short, make light
on what you want from me
Crapazzoni - Here, ahehm…
Patel – Will you finally explain yourself
clearly?
Crapazzoni - Would you please jump down here to
change a light bulb for us?
